UKIP plays party chairs

•  UKIP's deputy chair 'unsacked' as spokesperson

I had a funny feeling this would happen. This week a leaked internal UKIP memo stated that Deputy Chair, Suzanne Evans, had been ‘sacked’ as the party’s media spokesperson after she criticised her leader, Nigel Farage, on TV. 

But now it’s transpired that the person who wrote the memo wasn’t authorised to send it. Probably he’ll be sacked too. Anyway, Ms Evans is now officially ‘unsacked’.

It really shouldn’t come as any surprise. UKIP apparently loves the game ‘musical chairs’. Usually in that old children’s party game played at home, the music starts and the children walk around chairs until the music suddenly stops. Then any child that hasn’t a chair to sit on loses.

• The sacking before the 'unsacking'

Well UKIP has changed the game a bit. In their version, older people acting as children try to run a party. When one of the kids doesn’t like the sound of the music, it’s the chair that loses.

The rules often change though as they go along. It’s not easy having just one seat in the House. In the latest version of the party’s game, Suzanne Evans said on telly that their king of the castle, ‘Nige’ Farage, was ‘very divisive’.

That wasn’t music to the ears of ‘Nige’ who was said to be ‘pretty angry’. One of the other children at the party scribbled a ‘secret note’ to Suzanne, ‘You’re fired!’ But then other children in the party shouted, ‘Oh no you’re not!’

Apparently, it’s all jolly good fun.

‘Nige’ had a go at the game last month, but he made up his own rules. He said that if he didn’t have a seat when the music stopped on 7th May – what grown-ups call ‘The General Election’ – the game would be over for him. Well the music did stop and ‘Nige’ found himself without a seat.

The other kids at the party were very upset and so was ‘Nige’. (It was his party and he’d cry if he wanted to). Who’d be the ruler now? But ‘Nige’ knew how to perform a party trick. He wasn’t going to take this sitting down (not easy without a seat, anyway).

You know what, said ‘Nige’ to the other wide-eyed children full of tears. I don’t need a seat to be the leader. The other children started to jump up and down. ‘Nige’ could stay at the party after all. They loved their old leader’s new clothes.

But in the corner of the room, the jelly began to wobble.

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Other articles by Jon Danzig:

• What Nigel Farage told British expats in Spain
• Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Farage?
• UKIP's Hall of Shame

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Posted by Jon Danzig on Saturday, 9 January 2016